


Uninvited, Unannounced

by evil_whimsey



Category: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-16
Updated: 2010-09-16
Packaged: 2017-10-11 21:37:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/117379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evil_whimsey/pseuds/evil_whimsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaoru looks to Hunny-senpai, to discover what he needs.  (Based loosely on events from manga chapters 51 to 54)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Uninvited, Unnanounced

_I go out alone  
to visit a man alone  
in this autumn dusk_

\--Busou

 

 

He stands before the Haninozuka home, as sunset-colored leaves tumble across the evening sky. Alone and unprotected from the wind, he shivers.

"I wondered if you'd be back."

The eyes measuring him across the threshold seem older and wiser than he expects. Kaoru hesitates, fearing this is the wrong time; he should come back later. But he's come too far to go back now.

"I brought this to thank you," he offers.

The boxed cake was his ticket out of the house tonight; sugar coating on a half-truth. It says everything about the current state of affairs, that Hikaru swallowed his excuse easily, but Hunny-senpai does not.

"Come. We can talk in my room." Kaoru follows behind, too grateful to be ashamed.

 

They sit on Senpai's bed, like before. But Senpai doesn't offer Usa-chan, or sweets, or any particular sympathy to Kaoru. He only waits, until Kaoru is forced to fall back on the words he's rehearsed.

"Things are much better now. Hikaru is happier. It's all worked out fine...."

This isn't working, and Kaoru gives up; undermined by the difference between what he feels, and what he's supposed to feel.

"You want something else," Hunny-senpai concludes "Is that it?"

Kaoru stares at his fingers, gripping the coverlet. If he could honestly say no, he wouldn't be here now. But if he admits....

The mattress dips next to him as Senpai shifts closer, his knee settling centimeters from Kaoru's white-knuckled hand.

"Kaoru-kun?"

He's imagined the warmth of the body next to him, wondering desperately what it must be like. To feel it for real.

"No one else has ever touched me." Forcing the truth out at last. "I didn't--I just want to know--."  
He startles at the hand lifting his chin. Blinks into that level, knowing gaze.

"Please?" he whispers.


	2. Autumn Dusk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remix of "Uninvited, Unannounced"

Part One

 

It wasn't that he wanted to screw his brother because--ew. No thanks, the pair of them were quite messed up enough as it was. It's just that looking at Hikaru was exactly like looking in a mirror, and when Kaoru looked, he thought _pretty_. They were so very, very pretty, but like ornaments. Gleaming baubles on a Christmas tree, or a store display--look but don't touch. And how long could a person do that, stay there just out of reach, a little tease to fill a dull afternoon, a shiny bit of trim to decorate Tamaki's club with, before they started wondering....

What if somebody did touch?

And of course once the curiosity started talking, once Kaoru had acknowledged it, he knew the only way it would shut up was if it was satisfied.

So this is how it started.

**

 

"If anyone can touch you, they can hurt you. Have you thought about that?"

Kaoru nodded. He'd known all along. "You," he told Hunny-senpai. "You wouldn't hurt me." Then suddenly it occurred to him that they were in Senpai's bedroom, alone, with the door closed.

A shiver passed through him, but it wasn't fear. He didn't know what to call it, actually; this was all too new to him.

"Are you sure?" Senpai tilted one eyebrow, eying his thumb against the point of Kaoru's chin.

 

**

 

It was a child's reasoning, to believe that if nothing ever changed, he and Hikaru could stay safe and never be hurt. It was foolish, and maybe even dangerous to think like that. Kaoru and his brother had been too cloistered all those years, he knew. They'd excluded themselves from the world everyone else lived in, staying aloof in their safe little shell and managing by their own rules.

No one had ever asked Kaoru what he himself wanted. No one ever questioned what might be best for him alone. What was right for Hikaru was right for him. Everything in their world was one-size-fit-all.

Until Haruhi changed that. Until Hunny-senpai changed that. And then Kaoru had no choice but to work it out: how things change, and what you were supposed to do, once the shell cracked and the world came in. He did it alone, during long quiet nights; crowded to the wall by shadows, and the chill creeping across his mattress, while Hikaru slumbered unaware.

 

**

Kaoru knew it wasn't fair to Haruhi, the way he kissed her that afternoon. Though not for the reasons anyone else would think. It was a goodbye kiss; not necessarily to her, more to everything he had known in life up that point. It seemed the fitting gesture at the time, but no. It wasn't fair.

But then people were always doing things with good intentions, that weren't exactly fair. Kaoru saw it all the time.

He'd had a premonition before he kissed Haruhi, that she was bound to hurt him. One way or another, she would break his heart and worse, have no idea. Because she wasn't like him, maybe. She couldn't understand what he wanted, and even if Kaoru was capable of explaining it, he strongly suspected she didn't have it in her to give.

What Kaoru wanted was nothing like what Hikaru wanted, he knew that much. He didn't know what to call it, but lately, on these evening visits to Hunny-senpai's bedroom, Kaoru was seeing himself on the cusp of it. It was right there. He only had to reach for it.

 

**

 

Senpai had loved Usa-chan since he was a baby, and it showed, in the faded velveteen and tiny threads poking up from the join of one wobbly ear, and the scent of sweet vanilla and orange spice, just like Senpai himself.

Kaoru never had anything he loved so long that the seams started to show, and the fluffy nap wore bare in places. He never had anything he held close to himself except Hikaru; Hikaru was the only thing that was ever all his, and Kaoru always thought that was enough.

But it wasn't. He knew it for sure, the morning he spent ten minutes rifling through his closet and drawers for the shirt he really wanted to wear, annoyed and getting ready to bawl out one of the maids---until Hikaru wandered in wearing it.

The first thing he thought was _that's mine_ , and it slapped him sideways. He had never, never looked at their belongings like that; everything was always 'ours' and 'theirs', never 'yours' or 'mine'.

Then Hikaru stopped in the middle of the room, looking at him, and Kaoru realized he was just staring and not saying anything, and was probably making a weird face on top of that. He felt brittle, empty, and for the first time, he knew. This was it. This was the world everyone else lived in.

"That shirt looks good on you," he commented, and Hikaru looked down at himself, surprised. Kaoru grinned, because he had no other choice. It was that, or cry.

 

**

 

"You knew. When you first told me not to worry about Hikaru. Didn't you?" They were sitting on Senpai's bed with Kaoru's hand raised between them; an unvoiced request trembling in mid-air.

"Maybe," said Senpai, and his bland equanimity was unnerving.

"I trust you," Kaoru said, thinking, _Please. Just show me what this means. Even if it hurts, even if it's only this once...._

Nothing happened. Kaoru's heart beat. He breathed in and out. He could see the unsteadiness in his hand, felt the shaky tension moving up his elbow, to his shoulder. But Senpai did nothing. He sat, watched Kaoru, and he waited.

Eventually, Kaoru lowered his hand. He still didn't know what he was reaching for. He wasn't sure yet.

 

 

* * * * *  
Part Two

 

 

He had guessed quite early on, that if the Hitachiin twins ever engaged the world separately, Kaoru was going to need the most help.

Hunny had seen through their first mock breakup; he knew how they tested things out in scripts, in pranks, before trying them on for real. It was in their nature to check a garment for proper fit, before wearing it. And when they first discovered true incompatibility, when the reality of something they couldn't share finally caught up to them, Hunny readied himself.

Kaoru had always looked to his brother, to understand what he needed. But in order to survive on his own, he would have to learn to understand his own desires. To express them, and pursue them. Otherwise he would only ever be half of something. Unfinished and incomplete.

All Hunny had to do, was be there for Kaoru. Maybe he planted a few seeds in ready ground, while he was there. And maybe when the first shoots sprang up, he tended them. But he couldn't complete Kaoru; Kaoru would have to finish himself the way everyone else in the world did: on his own.

It wasn't an easy thing to watch, but Hunny knew it was for the best. And when Kaoru understood what he wanted, Hunny would be there.

 

**

 

Mori had never questioned Mitsukuni's judgment, that and his intelligence had been reliably sound for as long as Mori could remember. But he didn't understand this attachment his cousin lately manifested; these lingering looks, and how Mitsukuni gravitated to Hitachiin Kaoru, subtly working his way into orbit, into the space increasingly vacated by Kaoru's twin.

He gave Kaoru no instruction, nor any outward show of comfort, like he normally might. He simply lingered, and looked, until Kaoru began returning the looks, turning himself into the path of Mitsukuni's calm gravity.

Mori didn't think Kaoru was conscious of it even, but Mitsukuni never involved himself with other people idly, and it kept him wondering. He knew when Mitsukuni wasn't around, he was spending time with Kaoru. He knew Kaoru had been visiting the Haninozuka compound from time to time, but neither of them ever mentioned it.

Mori would ask what his cousin was up to, but he wasn't sure he was ready for the answer. For all that he was indulgent, Mitsukuni was never selfish, and for all the power leashed in his fighting technique, Mori had never, ever known him to do anything truly destructive.

But neither had he seen Mitsukuni waiting at the edge of someone's defenses, patient as a cat by a mouse hole before, and quite honestly, it made Mori nervous.

 

*****  
Part Three

 

Kaoru heard the bathroom door close and then lock, but like so much with his brother lately, he couldn't understand what he was meant to do about it. Was it a signal of some kind? Or had Hikaru just forgotten to be quiet? He knew the reason he'd locked the door could very well have made him forget; it happened to Kaoru too, and made him forget all kinds of things.

They were at that age; it was like a curse, and some torturous days, it was all he thought about. Having someone else ( _not-Hikaru and not-me_ ) close enough to touch; feeling their heat and heartbeat and weight on him. He was still vague on the particulars, or maybe not particular at all. Though he did know a contrivance when he saw one, and most of the manga and videos he'd researched (having no adult supervision, he was free to look into whatever piqued his curiosity, and there was a lot he was curious about) were too laughable to be any use, so he dismissed them.

Contrivances wouldn't cut it anymore. Kaoru wanted to be touched. He wanted it to be real. He wished he understood what Hunny-senpai was waiting for.

 

**

 

Kaoru offered more tea to the girl whose name had completely escaped him. Sasuko? Minate? They all ran together after awhile.

Off to one side, Tamaki was going on about tropical flowers and perfume; the usual drivel he made up off the top of his head, to make his customers blush. He'd seen it a thousand times, but still it mystified him, how Tamaki got girls so excited and and breathless by saying the stupidest things. Didn't they realize what a silly fake it was?

A short while later he asked Hunny-senpai, who told him, "It isn't what Tama-chan says, it's what he does." And when Kaoru asked what he meant, Senpai pushed aside his cake plate and drew his chair in next to Kaoru.

Their knees weren't quite touching, but Senpai was definitely in his space, closer than they'd ever been outside a private room. Close enough that no one else heard Senpai's serious, intimate tone. That voice he only used when they were alone, with the door closed.

"He treats them like they're the only other person in the room. They feel like anything could happen. Like they might get carried away, any second."

Kaoru's skin prickled with goose bumps; it was like Hunny-senpai had reached under his clothes and caressed him, right in front of everyone. He sat there stunned, but the point was very clear: Senpai had no intention of flirting or playing with him. There was no telling what would happen, once they started. But they would almost certainly get carried away doing it.

And all Kaoru had to do, was give the word. Senpai was waiting on him, with their classmates milling in the background and just the cloth of their trousers brushing. He could feel it curling in the air between them--Senpai's permission to close the distance, to reach over, to lean in a steal a kiss, if he dared. He looked down at Senpai's hands on the table, and thought about anything happening. And then to his utter frustrated shame, he had to cross his legs and think about Trigonometry class instead.

"Neh, Kao-chan." A cup of tea slid toward him, and Senpai's tone was still low, but softer now. "It's okay to take your time."

Kaoru swallowed back the sob caught in his throat. If it got out, it would break him in half. He wanted, so much, but all he could do was sit, with his fists knotted on his knee, aching hard, and his cheeks flaming.

**

This time, it was his turn to shut the bathroom door and lock it. Uniform blazer tossed to the floor, one hand yanking his shirt up, the other shaking at the zipper of his trousers.

He thought of Senpai's voice, low and serious, and his calm, measuring stare. He imagined Senpai gripping his hips with his sturdy hands ( _...What does Kao-chan want?_ ), holding him down, tasting the heat of each other's mouths, and Kaoru came so hard he thought his heart had stopped dead in his chest.

When he returned to their room, Hikaru raised an eyebrow over his homework, but didn't say a word.

 

* * * * *  
Part Four

 

Kaoru's research yielded a lot of vocabulary. Words he'd known, but hadn't put in any personal context before. Foreplay. Submission. Petting. Penetration. Kink. The Host Club's brotherly love performance had no need of these words; what they sold was unmentionable. Taboo. That was the whole point. And it worked best when left to the imagination of the audience.

Kaoru's own imagination was tireless in providing suggestive details to fill out his body's uneasy cravings. And yet he still hit a block where the words were concerned. Maybe it was something people got used to, but for the time being, he couldn't possibly bring himself to tell Hunny-senpai the things he'd started daydreaming about in class, and picturing when the bathroom door was locked. And the more desperate and nervous and pent-up he felt, the more it seemed that words weren't even adequate; knowing the vocabulary didn't help at all.

In the meantime, there was Hikaru, driving himself into a frenzy because he yearned after the most oblivious person in the world. Kaoru listened and tried to offer supportive advice, even when it cut him down the middle because he could still _feel_ Hikaru's need like it was his own, from all the way across the room. Except that it wasn't. That feeling didn't belong to him. It was Hikaru's possession, solely.

 

**

Kaoru lost track of how many nights he lay in bed and didn't sleep, and eventually he wondered if Hunny-senpai was tormenting him on purpose. If this was revenge finally, for all Kaoru's devilry in the past. Or maybe Senpai just wanted to see what Kaoru's breaking point was (and if that were the case, Kaoru figured he could save him the trouble. He was pretty much there, already).

**

"Oi, Kaoru," said Hikaru, out of the studious silence of chemistry homework. "I'm not ignoring you, am I?"  
Kaoru colored in a dark, fat circle on his graph paper. "What are you talking about?" _Not any more than I want you to_ , he was thinking.

Hikaru gave him a quick relieved grin, and Kaoru wondered what would happen if he just said it. "I want Hunny-senpai to undress me." While Hikaru stressed himself over going out with Haruhi; holding hands at the movies, Valentines and White Day gifts. Maybe a kiss, if he could win her over.

He kept his mouth shut because he wasn't that cruel, or that stupid, and when it came down to it, this fizzy tension straining inside his chest had nothing to do with Hikaru. It belonged only to Kaoru, whether he wanted it or not.

 

**

It was at the end of club hours, a few days later. The girls were murmuring their farewells, taking leave in twos and threes, and Kaoru had been staring at a lone crumb of icing on Hunny-senpai's cake plate for what seemed like hours. That one small piece left all by itself, soon to be carried off and brushed away.

Maybe it was all the sleepless nights catching up to him, or all the days of feeling that impossible arm's-length of space between him and Hunny-senpai, or maybe it was his mounting fear of ending up nothing but an ornament gathering dust by itself forever; pretty and brittle, untouchable and all alone. Maybe it was all of that at once, that made him grab for the cuff of Senpai's blazer, as Senpai was pushing himself back from the table, ready to leave.

"Hunny-senpai. Tell me what you like."

He couldn't make himself look up and meet Senpai's expression; all he could tell was that Senpai went very, very still next to him. For a second, they were both frozen there, and Kaoru marveled at his hand, right there on Senpai's sleeve, his fingers creasing the fine cloth.

"You know that," Senpai answered slowly. "I like to taste sweet things."

Kaoru would swear it was just a reflex, when he licked his lips. But he heard Senpai's breath catch, and he could _feel_ Senpai's whole attention, fixed on his mouth. Everyone knew Hunny-senpai didn't merely taste sweet things, he devoured them. And that, Kaoru was quite certain, was exactly what he wanted.

Before he could second-guess himself or lose his nerve, Kaoru dabbed that last crumb of icing off the plate. Brought it to his mouth, suckled it off his thumb, and closed his eyes at the thin, tiny noise Senpai made in his throat.

"I wouldn't mind that," he said. Then he looked up from under his lashes, and met Senpai's wide-eyed stare. "You can do that, to me. If you want." With the taste of sugar melting on his tongue, and a strange warmth flaring somewhere below his stomach, heading downward.

In that instant, the fuse was lit. He saw it spark in Hunny-senpai's eyes, felt it sizzling down his nerves, and only at the last second did he remember that they were still in club, still in school. Hikaru would be by any minute, to fetch him for home. _Damn it._ What was he supposed to--

"You forgot something. At my house, last time." Senpai's voice had a completely different texture now. Like frayed velveteen and loosened seams, and distracting enough that Kaoru had to take a second to fish the actual words out, and line them up so they made sense.

And then relief swelled over him, so huge he could've wept from it. "Sorry for the trouble," he murmured, though what he really meant was _thank you, thank you oh god._

**

They made it to the second-floor service corridor, just off the stairwell. A quiet, cozy space where Hunny-senpai pulled him by his wrist, and then pressed him to the wall. Kaoru's knees giving out conveniently fixed the height disparity, and he was way past caring about his trousers by then. He just slid down the wall, tilted his forehead to Senpai's chest and finally, finally let himself breathe out.

Hunny-senpai's fingers curled in the back of Kaoru's hair, ticklish and shivery, and he whispered one last warning. "This isn't an act, Kaoru-kun. This is real."

Kaoru didn't tell Senpai about the things he daydreamed in class. About locking the bathroom door, or lying curled on his side all night, conscious of every aching centimeter of his skin. He didn't tell him how lonely it was, being the last decoration on the shelf; how sometimes he dreamt he was surrounded by cold glass and snow, and wondered if he'd ever be warm again. Maybe Hunny-senpai would understand if he said those things, but it was all jumbled and choked in him now and really, it all came down to one simple thing.

"Show me what's real." He lifted his head from Senpai's crisp white shirt, so Senpai would see he wasn't scared. Nervous, oh yes he was nervous, his hands on Senpai's shoulders were shaking. Bu up close, Hunny-senpai's mouth looked good enough to taste, and his hand on the back of Kaoru's neck was sure and warm, and no matter what happened, Kaoru definitely wasn't afraid.

"Show me."

 

*****


End file.
